The world is filled with boys who can shave.

“We are left with indefinite adolescence and a Peter Pan Syndrome epidemic where men want to remain boys forever.”

The world today is filled with boys who can shave.

Historically, a guy would go through two life phases: boy, then man. The transition from boy to man was comprised of five sociological variables that happened almost simultaneously or in very close succession: Leave your parents’ home (Gen. 2:24); finish your education or vocational training; start a career-track job, not a dead-end-Joe one; meet a woman, love her, honor her, court her, and marry her; have children with her.

But here’s what’s happened. Rather than moving from boy to man by this succession of sociological transitions, we’ve created something called adolescence. It’s a third life stage in the middle between boy and man. We don’t know what to call them so we just call them “guys.” These are boys who can shave.

Today, adolescence starts somewhere in the teen years and continues indefinitely. There is no foreseeable end. The problem with adolescence is guys don’t know when they’re ever going to grow up and be men, and no pressure is exerted on them to do so.

Is it when you’re 16 and you can drive? Or 18, when you can vote and join the military? Or 21, when you can drink? Is it when you graduate from college after you’ve worked on your undergrad degree for seven or eight years? Is it when you get married? Is it when you have kids? Is it when you buy a house? No one knows. So, we are left with indefinite adolescence and a Peter Pan Syndrome epidemic where men want to remain boys forever.

“You men are the glory of God, and God wants his glory to shine through you.”

So where do you go? Go to Scripture. Go to Scripture. First Corinthians 11:7, Paul says a man is “the image and glory of God.” He is to reflect the truth and the goodness and the love and the mercy of Jesus, his God and Savior. He is the glory of God. And I still have hope for the guys. When I see a guy, I don’t see a porn addict, an Internet junkie, a World of Warcraft freak, one of those guys who gets, you know, an apartment with 27 other guys and they all share a studio and pay five dollars a month and split a pizza and call that their bar mitzvah.

I have hope for those guys because they are the glory of God. They are the glory of God. Now, it needs some work, to be sure. But you men are the glory of God. And God wants his glory to shine through you. God wants his kingdom to be made visible through you. God wants you to be his sons. God wants you to follow, by the power of the Holy Spirit, in the example of Jesus and in the example of John.

I don’t care if you buy a truck, and you can play some video games and rock out on your guitar. I don’t really care. But the issue is when those are prevalent, predominant, and preeminent in your life. Some of you guys would argue with me on this and say, “It’s not a sin.” No, but sometimes it’s just stupid. It’s just dumb. You got fired because you were up trying to get to the next level and become a guild leader. That’s dumb. That’s totally dumb. You work one part-time job so you could play more guitar. That’s dumb. That’s really, really dumb. You spend all your money on a new car or truck, or toys, or gear, or gambling, or fantasy football. Dumb. Some of you say, “Well, it’s not a sin.” Neither is eating your lawnmower. It’s just dumb. Just doesn’t do anything. There are a lot of things that guys that are Christians do that aren’t evil, they’re just dumb.

“You’re not looking for the path of least resistance. You’re looking for the path of greatest glory to God. You take that path like John did.”

You’re the glory of God. What does it mean to be a man? John is a great example. He doesn’t waste his teens and his 20s downloading free porn, racking up his credit card debt, spending seven years to knock out his undergrad degree, trying to be the king of the fantasy football or baseball league, determined to pound more beers at happy hour and conquer more women than all the other guys to show he’s a real man. That’s no man at all. It’s a boy who could shave.

John shows us what a real man is: He’s filled with the Spirit. He humbly prepares the way for Jesus. He’s an evangelist who makes it his life work to introduce others to Jesus. He’s a man who ultimately is a giver and not a taker. He’s a producer, not a consumer.

Men, you are to be creators and cultivators. If you want to image God, your God is a creator and a cultivator. You create a marriage and you cultivate that woman. You create a child with her and you cultivate that child. You create a new family legacy for generations and you cultivate it. You create a business and you cultivate it. You create a ministry and you cultivate it. You want to be a man? You’re a creator and a cultivator. You’re a producer, not a consumer. You’re a giver, not a taker. You bring life, not death.

You’re not looking for the path of least resistance. You’re looking for the path of greatest glory to God. You take that path like John did.

Pastor Mark is the preaching and founding pastor of Mars Hill Church. This post is adapted from the sermon, “The Birth of John the Baptizer,” preached at the Ballard campus in October 2009.



wed jun 16th

for upcoming Father’s Day this Sunday . . .

During Man Up this morning we discussed prayer requests then we got into a great discussion about our fathers.  I asked the Men this question:

1. What one thing do you remember most about your father?  Or what one thing did you take from his instruction.

WOW!  Then we all shared things like:

1. He was an investment in my life.
2. Time he spent with me.
3. Always allowed me to fail, and helped me through those times.
4. Made me a decision maker.  
5. Quality time.
6. I learned I wanted to be there for my children because my dad was not there for me.

Think this week:

• What kind of investment did your father make in you?
• What are some things you remember most about your father?
• What things did he say that you live by?

Here is mine:  My dad always told me "Happiness is the road & not the destination."

Have a great week and I will see you Sunday,
Derek 

man up - 04

This morning we talked about author and pastor John Piper. His staff goes through a very well thought out accountability questionnaire. So we discussed accountability, books, quotes, and handed out the following accountability questionnaire. The homework was to look the following form over and come up with an accountability form that would be good for the Man Up group. Next week we will put it together and continue from there. Here is the Information:  Pastor's Accountability Form from hopeingod.org

Get the Men

This is a series on 11 Leadership Lessons from 12 Disciples, based on the recent sermon Jesus Calls the Twelve, on Luke 6:12-16.

Lesson #2: Get the men

You're going to see a lot of principles from Jesus' ministry that we incorporate at Mars Hill very gladly. It's not that we don't get the women, but we want to emphasize getting the men. In Christianity today, 60 percent of those who attend church are women. Eleven to thirteen million more women in church than men. Say, "Praise God," the ladies love Jesus. Where are the men? What are they doing? Bad things, usually. And so what Jesus does, he goes after the men, he gets the men. He gets the men first. He looks across the hundreds, thousands who are following him in ministry, coming to hear him teach, part of the come-and-see ministry, and he chooses twelve, all men.

Why men?

Senior leadership is reserved for men. Let me explain this, many of you will disagree with this. Read your Bible! 1 Timothy 2, 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1; it's in On Church Leadership, it's in the book Vintage Church. I write this stuff down, trying to make it clear, but Jesus is consistent with the Old Testament, where the highest spiritual authority were the priests. They were male descendants of Aaron, that was a requirement.

Jesus comes along, picks senior leaders, twelve apostles, twelve men. Some say, "Oh, well, Jesus really wanted women in leadership, and he had women in his ministry." He did have women in his ministry. He did have women who were friends of his. He did have women that he taught. He did have women that served alongside of him, but he didn't appoint any of them to apostle. If he wanted to revolutionize things, that's all he needed to do and he didn't, and he didn't make a mistake, because he spent the whole night in prayer. He did exactly what the Father wanted him to do, and then that sets up the precedent for the New Testament church where the elders or pastors (those words are used synonymously in places like 1 Peter 5 and Acts 20) are men.

So Old Testament, New Testament, ministry of Jesus, beginning to end, senior leaders only, always men, authors of all books of the Bible, men. It doesn't mean that women aren't gifted in leadership, can't teach and use their gifts, they just cannot do so in that office. The office of deacon, however, is open for men and women.

Why only men should be pastors

Back to the story, Jesus picks twelve men. There are reasons that we have this position, and it's not because we like all the criticism and controversy. It's not like I woke up one day and I was like, "I would like to get whacked like a piñata. I know what will do it, male pastors, that will do it. That will ensure that I get criticized until I die. I'm going to go with that because it's a shortcut to getting beat like a piñata." I didn't pick that position. God wrote that position in the Bible, so we hold to that position, and it's a position that, quite frankly, is the position that Jesus operated by. He wasn't scared of anyone. He didn't mind breaking social taboos. He did increase great liberation for women, but he didn't appoint any of them as apostles.

My daughter recently asked me about this. She's in junior high, smart gal, real sharp, good student, good theologian, good writer. She's a great gal, love her, we're real close. She said, "Dad, I don't believe a woman should be a pastor, but some of the friends that I have in school do, and we were talking about that. And if you had to pick one section of the Bible to explain where it says that a woman can't be a pastor, where would you go?" Good question, we're sitting there I said, "Okay, grab your Bible, babe. Go to 1 Timothy 2. 'I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man.'" She says, "Well, that's pretty clear." "Yeah, I know. Keep reading, next chapter, 1 Timothy 3, what does it say?" "'An elder must be above reproach, the husband of one wife.'" She said, "Well, that's crazy, that's obvious." To some, it is. She said, "Dad, then how could they get that to say something that it's not?" I said, "Honey, they're wrong." She said, "So the churches that have women pastors are wrong?" I said, "Yeah, they're wrong. They're Christians, and they can love Jesus, and we can be friends with them, and we can work with them for evangelism and good things, and we can try to be on good terms, and they're wrong. They would say there's things that we're wrong about, and maybe there are. We need to humbly listen to them, and go back to the Bible, and see if there's anything we need to clean up and work on and fix, because nobody's perfect except for Jesus. Everybody's got something to learn."

Get the men

So our position at Mars Hill is that the Bible's clear on this. Old Testament, New Testament, ministry of Jesus, the appointing of the twelve, all qualified, competent, capable, courageous, Christ-like men. So get the men. We go after the men at Mars Hill, we just do. A little more than half of our attendance is men. The biggest group at Mars Hill is single men, the least likely people on earth to go to church.

To be continued.

man up - 03

First let me say sorry for not posting on the blog last week, with my girls just getting finished with school, gymnastics, and a swim meet my boat was full. Anyway last week we where able to discuss our obligation to the church as men. Too many churches are crippled by the lack of men involved in ministry. When a church is not being run and directed by men it cannot advance the gospel the way God designed it to function. I am not saying that women should not work and lead and volunteer, I am saying that more men are needed within the walls of the church. When men become involved, woman will follow. When women have to be the spiritual head of their home and the church this is not God's design, so the church cannot fulfill its calling. Church should be led by men, when this happens, the leadership can flow in the right direction. When a woman has to take charge because her husband or other men do not care then God's plan gets derailed. Too many men have to be begged to lead out in family devotions and leading their families in prayer and begged to help out within the church to count. When this happens woman have to pick up the slack in their families and the church. Families and the church are suffering because of this fact.

With that introduction, the next blog entry will be the article we discussed>

man up - 02

• Open with prayer
• Discuss last weeks Handout
• How was Mother’s Day? Was it a Mother?

1. How is your families dashboard?
2. What areas could we all work on within our family dynamic?
3. How are your family priorities?
4. Did you spend enough time with them this week?
5. Did you have any family devotions?
6. What devotions are you using right now?
7. How is your repentance?
8. How are you seeking forgiveness?
9. How are you being open to change?
10. How are you being sacrificial in your actions and attitude towards your wife and family?

Adultery and Restoration

By Pastor Scott Thomas

Broken inside the Church

Broken marriages are far too common than we want to admit and the church cannot ignore the adulteries occurring among its members any longer. Married couples are sitting in church pews hiding in shame and experiencing anger, despair, fear, jealousy, guilt, relief and revenge. Restoration begins by placing hope in God and not in your circumstances and not in your partner (Psalm 46).

The following is a brief summary of Robert D. Jones, Restoring your Broken Marriage: Healing After Adultery (CCEF; New Growth Press, 2009).

Practical Strategies for Change (according to Jones)

What if I have hurt my spouse? The Offending Partner’s Path

• Break the adulterous relationship immediately and completely.

• Fully admit the facts by disclosing honestly. Come clean completely.

• Confess to God, your spouse, and appropriate others about both the sexual sin of adultery and the deception/lies, and seek their forgiveness. Both are difficult to forgive.

• Develop and implement a specific action plan for godly change.

• Address specifically: 1) how you will change; 2) how you will handle temptation; 3) who you will invite into your life for accountability; 4) what disciplines you will incorporate; 5) how you will relate to your wife; and any other relevant situation-specific questions.
• Believe the gospel and move forward, continuing this action plan. While your spouse is not guaranteed to forgive you, God is. Don’t be crippled by guilt, but trust Christ for forgiveness.

What if I my spouse has hurt me? The Offended Partner’s Path

• Find your security and identity in Jesus Christ and not in your spouse or marriage. Believe the gospel. Rise up and declare that your life is not built on anything or anyone other than your Lord Jesus (Psalm 27:10; 73:25-26).

• Perceive this trial biblically by seeing God’s sovereign, wise, loving purposes to increase your Christ-likeness. It gives you opportunity to experience, although only in part, the suffering, loneliness, and betrayal our Lord Jesus experienced. Our Redeemer uses trials like this to expose our remaining sin to uncover blind spots and pockets of remnant ungodliness. God’s comfort to you in your trial will equip you to comfort others (2 Cor 1:3-4).

• Forgive your spouse attitudinally and unconditionally, in light of the gospel. Release your adulterous spouse from your judgment and to God and empty your heart of bitterness. This can only be done as we mediate on the gospel and remember how God has forgiven us (Matt 18:21-35; Eph 4:32).

• Forgive your spouse relationally and transactionally if the offending party repents.

• Realize the process nature of these matters, and deal with bad memories when they arise. Pray and ask God to guard your mind from these memories. Rehearse the gospel promises. Renew your promises of forgiveness before God. Focus on key biblical truths about God and turn your energy to serving others, including your spouse.

The Four Promises of Forgiveness (from Ken Sande, The Peacemaker):

1. I will not dwell on your sin.
2. I will not bring up your sin and use it against you.
3. I will not talk to others about your sin.
4. I will not allow your sin to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

Conclusion: Next Steps

When ready, recommit to the marriage covenant and prepare to explore the problems that existed before the adultery. Commit to long-term, Christ-centered counseling.

When considering what you will tell others about the adultery, the key principle is that you and your spouse must agree how much to say.

Moving forward, hold fast to the gospel and God’s promises.

homework from 5.5.10 mtg

1) Read Ephesians chapter 5

For the married guys >

A) Try out these questions out on your wife >

1. What are some ways that I can demonstrate my love to you in a meaningful way?
2. When do you feel most appreciated?
3. How do I make you feel emotionally distant?
4. How can I pray for you?
5. How can I help you know God better?
6. In what ways have I sinned against you?
7. What would help you to be more satisfied sexually?
8. How could I help us to reconcile our misunderstandings better?
9. In what ways could I help relieve physical stress?
10. What is one way I could tangibly serve you?

For the single guys >

B) Look deep into your own heart and relationships >

1. How do I spend my free time?
2. How do my friends perceive me?  (Ask them)
3. How am I respecting women?
4. How do I treat the young women in my life?
5. What things in my life do I need to release that are holding me back?
6. How can I be a better friend to those God has placed in my life?
7. What has God asked of me that I have yet to do or accomplish?
8. How is my daily time with God?
9. What difference can I make in the Church?

family dashboard

By Dustin Neeley, Acts 29 Pastor of Crossing Church

It was an old car but we loved it. It leaked oil and antifreeze, but hey, I was a church planter and thankful to have any car that actually operated without pedals. I will never forget the day that it almost caught fire--while I was driving it!

I will never forget the distinct smell of burning antifreeze. The billowing smoke in my old car began slowly and then impaired my vision like a horrifyingly blinding cloud at a Willie Nelson concert. I panicked suddenly when I realized that the car I was driving was now out of control on a busy road. I’ll never forget the helplessness I experienced.

Family on Fire

You don’t forget the moment when your wife looks at you and tells you that if things don’t change, she’s leaving; the moment when one of your children looks at you and tells you that they hate the church because you are never home. It’s the moment that you realize that your family is on fire and you are in the driver’s seat.

Stopping the Fires Before they Start

I believe that keeping our eye on the “Family Dashboard” can help us monitor the fires before they start. The “Family Dashboard” is the set of “gauges” that we monitor as we drive along to let us know how things are going in our journey through life and ministry and marriage and family.

Our Family Gauges:

1. The “speedometer.”

This is the “pacing” question. Are we moving at a healthy pace that we can sustain or are we running “in the red?” We can’t just monitor the things from ministry that directly include us, but we must also factor in the other things that make life what it is: soccer, gymnastics, the kids’ school, health, marriage, money and home repairs. I never make this health assessment alone. Men are not typically emotionally intuitive and can be blind to the relational redlining occurring. If you don’t believe me, just ask your wife. She will tell you the real truth.

2. The “RPM”s.

This is the stress question. How hard are we pushing to make this thing go? Are we shifting gears smoothly in our relationships or are we “grinding the gears” like a 16-year-old boy driving a stick shift for the first time with his critical Dad in the passenger seat? Do Mom and Dad need more time together--alone? Is more time or energy needed with a particular child? You can usually “listen to the engine” through the tone of the conversations taking place in home to monitor the stress level in the home.

3. The “gas” gauge.

This is the margin question. Every ministry family I know is strapped for time and often other resources. The families that go the distance are the ones that have enough gas in their tank for the long haul. They are consciously and consistently refueling through weekly days off, “Date Nights,” “Daddy Dates,” vacations and daily spiritual tune-ups to keep the engine running more efficiently. Again, if you want to know exactly how much gas is really in the family or marriage tank, ask your wife. She knows.

Watch the Gauges Carefully

Having your car that overheats and catch fire is never a good thing. 

Watching your family overheat and catch fire, is even worse.

If we will keep our eye on the “Family Dashboard,” we will spend more time on the road for the Gospel and less time in the ditch looking helplessly at a burned out engine.

---

Most marriages today have a tendency to accept sin in either spouse. One spouse becomes dominant and the other passive. The couple goes through life trying to manage sin rather than allowing God to change them from the inside out.

Sin-managing marriages are not healthy. A healthy marriage is Christ-centered, which means:

• Gospel-centered
• Transparent
• Growing (not perfect!)

A Christian marriage should be committed to see sin put to death through the finished work of Christ and through the abiding Holy Spirit, who radically transforms us on a day-in and day-out basis. For the couple, this means:

• Constant repentance
• Constantly seeking forgiveness
• Constant openness to change

My wife helps me confront sin in my life by being very direct and very loving simultaneously. She’s learned to speak to me in a way that’s helpful and kind, but also straightforward.

She’s a constant source of help for me, praying for me, encouraging me and staying faithful to me. So she has tremendous credibility when she says things like “I think you blew that one,” or “You’re being harsh.” I know she loves me.

Additionally, in a healthy marriage, spouses serve one another sacrificially. When we have time off, we should be first devoted to helping each other in very practical ways. And, when we come home from work at night, make it a priority to look for how our spouses need help. Where we’ve found a lot of love together is simply in loving and serving our children.

It’s a great joy for us to do it all together.

1st meeting

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Jesus (Matthew 16:24-26 ESV)

24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

Wives and Husbands (Ephesians 5:22-28 ESV)

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

To follow Christ I have to:

• Deny myself > Ignore the things that make me content and focus on what makes Christ content with me.
• Take up Christ’s cross > Sacrifice my wants
• Follow Christ > Wherever He leads
• Lose my life > The life you may have always wanted is now gone, dead, buried.  Reshift the focus.
• Gain the whole world > This is what most of us try to do and by doing it we have not only forfeited our souls, but we have also lost time with our wives, and children.

Before The Vine Community Church can make a difference in this community, state, nations, or world, it must make a difference in it’s MEN. This is why we call the men’s ministry MAN UP! Because it is time for the men of the Church to take on the responsibility that has already been placed on them and run with it. Just as Christ sacrificed himself willingly for the church so must the husband sacrifice himself for his Wife.

PRIORITIES my Brothers, it is all about our priorities.

To truly understand each other we all must commit to strive to be our best. 

Now if I want to be the best in my job, what must I do?
Put in the time it takes to make it happen.

If I want to have the best yard on my block, what must I do?
Work at my lawn until it is perfect.

If I want people’s heads to turn when I drive around in my car, what must I do?
Put the time and money into the car so that other’s will notice.

If I want people to want my marriage and my family, what must I do?
Place a priority on my wife and children.